Is it ever going to be enough?

Ever feel like your satisfaction is insatiable? That each time you accomplish something, it just leaves you wanting more?

That's how I feel about running. Each time I meet a time goal or get a new PR (personal record), I feel good about it for a couple hours, a day or two at the most. And then I start wanting more. Maybe I'll hear about a fellow pace group runner's better time and feel inadequate. Or I'll see people who have survived cancer or a car crash and then go on to do an Ironman and think if they can do it, I can too. And this leaves me wondering when, if ever, will I ever be satisfied and have had enough?

When I initially planned for my first marathon, I came into it with a simple goal: to finish and be able to run the whole course. I did not have a target time when training. I did not know a thing about pacing. I simply ran to cover the distance. However, when marathon day came, I wanted more than to just finish. I wanted to finish under 5 hours and even pushed myself for under 4:30.

While I was quite pleased with my Frederick performance, I already wanted more for Baltimore. In a runner's world, breaking 4 hours classifies you as a serious runner. Most of us recreational runners strive for a sub 4 hour performance. I endured quite a bit of pain to get under 4 hours for Baltimore. A couple hours later, I realized how close I was to breaking my ex's marathon time of 3:53 and all of a sudden, 3:58 wasn't good enough for me anymore.

I had signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon with the intention of it being a training run for JFK and to be a fun run with fellow FTM members. I was only kidding myself. Although getting sick after Baltimore made me realize breaking 3:53 was not possible, I put just about as much heart into that race as I did for Baltimore, with the intention of PR-ing, which eventually turned into a goal of just breaking 4 hours again, and at mile 25.5, when I realized that 2 weeks wasn't enough to get over the fatigue from Baltimore, turned into aiming for under 4:05.

However, my two fall marathon performances left me wanting a lot more. It left me seeing the potential for qualifying for Boston, an under 3:40 marathon time requirement for me. Now if breaking 4 hours makes you a serious runner, qualifying for Boston makes you a badass runner! Although I feel that I can eventually break 3:40 and make Boston, does it stop there? Or will I keep wanting to improve my time?

I signed up for JFK because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do more than a marathon. While breaking time goals has been a challenge of speed, running an ultra-marathon will be the ultimate test of endurance. So in the same respect, will I quit with this one 50 miler or am I going to want more? Each time I come across someone crazier than me, I think I'm not all that crazy and want to match their level of insanity.

Right now, all I know is that I want JFK, I want Boston, and I want to complete a full Ironman. However, if you asked me one year ago, I would've told you all I wanted was to simply complete a marathon, not three.